You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
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