be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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