just tell him i said nine months
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
