If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
