i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
Randomize
