Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Randomize
