last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
