you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
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