She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
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