U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
