I wish I could teleport
"it" just moved
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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