if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
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