I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
its not stalking. its research.
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
Randomize
