My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Randomize
