wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Randomize
