Im at strip club and am horny
I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
