i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
Randomize
