somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
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