That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
