Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
