I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
