she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Randomize
