i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
Randomize
