he shaved USA in his pubs
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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