Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
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