Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
Randomize
