it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
Randomize
