First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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