She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
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