I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
