he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
I'm just crazy horny about you
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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