we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
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