So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
Randomize