I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
our cab driver is having phone sex.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
