Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
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