i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize
