I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
Kareoke will never be a sober sport
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
Randomize
