Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
Randomize
