Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
