You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
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