Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
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