Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
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