all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
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