So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
Randomize
