it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
Randomize
