How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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