I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Randomize
