Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
