I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
