I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Also, beer. Big fan.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
