Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
I would fuck him just for his dog
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Randomize
