The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
apparently the secret to your success is patron
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
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