Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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