My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
This is the high leading the old right now
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
Randomize
