You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
even my farts smell like vagina
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
