I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
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