Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
