I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
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