Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
Randomize
