when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
Randomize
