Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
