I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Randomize