tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Randomize
