I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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