You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
Randomize
