how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
This dress was meant to end up on your floor
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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