i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
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