I faked an abortion last night.
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
