As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
