dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
just found out that she named her cat after me.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Randomize
