True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Randomize
