Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Randomize
